Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
