the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
