Are we in a gay sports bar?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Success! We fucked roommates!
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