Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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