first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
