he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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