she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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