Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
