Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize