Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
