I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
