There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
