apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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