I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
