You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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