Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
