I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
