so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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