So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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