Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize