break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
