she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
