well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize