Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
