1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
