Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
