Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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