SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
