I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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