Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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