Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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