Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
