I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
