coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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