I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
