i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
