Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
