Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
