I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
