Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
