we're blogging at a bar
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
