I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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