so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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