You just made me feel so damn special
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
