You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If that was your dad, he is hot
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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