It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize