i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
