Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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