im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
