exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
