We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
