i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
