Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
