you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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