I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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