ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
