So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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