first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
