Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
