i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
