Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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