I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
All I want is dick and wine.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
