I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
