i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
