Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
