It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
