I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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